It's been awhile.

I almost forgot the password to this thing. Remembered eventually, but I almost gave it up as a lost cause.

It's late, and I was feeling nostalgic, and so I got on here to check out the last feelings of my old self. And since that was 2009...and it is currently 2011...well, that's been a lot of time. Enough time, I can sufficiently say, to become ecstatic about my life, rather than simply static.

I am a junior at The Ohio State University in Lima. I work at BBW. I teach dance. And I am engaged.

It seems odd that when I began this blog, I never imagined myself to be here, in this moment, doing these things with my life. In truth, I don't quite know what I imagined for myself, but I'm sure it wasn't this. In my case, I suppose, reality has proved better than my imagination.

The point I guess I wanted to convey when I decided to write here again was that I'm happy. I'm unsure of what I'm going to do when I graduate, besides the whole getting married thing. I'm unsure of when or where we'll find a house, or what color the towels in the bathroom are going to be. I'm unsure of a lot of things actually...but I'm happy.

I get stressed out, sure. And sad sometimes, when sad things happen. And angry too, more often that I should let myself. But really? I'm happy. And after looking back, I'm sooo glad I got here. To being happy. It's what I seemed to be aiming for, for so long.

I guess there's not much more I planned on saying tonight. It is late, and I have work tomorrow. But I just couldn't let my last post be so blah. I'm not feeling blah. I'm feeling happy, ecstatic even. :)

--------->gotta love it when life unfolds a little more for you to see the way to happiness.

Well I'm Still Alive

i think. busy with school and work and living. in general.
guess i should be happy. since i'm doing good in school
and i have a job
...and that i'm still living.
and it's not that i'm not happy.
i guess it's more like
i'm not ecstatic.
i'm..hmm.
coasting.
that's a word that fits.
which as i said
is ok.
but sometimes coasting isn't good enough
because you know it can be better
right?
yeah...i know i'm right.
i also know that i wish i could be
ecstatic.
instead i shall just be
static.

A Slip of Judgement

what ever happened to romance
and why did you ever think it could be
the first thing to write off your list?
why did you choose to put it aside
to shelf it
to dispose of romance?
because romance never goes out of style
it can always be fresh and new
and doesn't have to disappear at the
first sight of
comfortable-ness.
so when was the moment
when you left it at home?
when you shoved it under the bed?
when you took it out to the trash?
where was that moment
and where was i
to slap you in the face
to remind you
to snatch it from your wasteful hands
to slip it in your pocket.
then maybe you could've reached in
one day
and pulled it out with a smile
remembering how it used to be
remembering its purpose
remembering me.

Sittin Around

i was just sitting here watching sweet home alabama with my mom when a few things ran through my head. like how i saw lynyrd skynyrd last summer. annnndd for some weird reason, that i haven't written anything on my blog for a long long time.

not that much has changed since i last wrote...then again some things have. i'm still 19, obviously..and i'm still at home. but i'm done with my first year of college and am expecting my grades back by friday.

it's just me and the parents right now. tom's at boys state this entire week, and from the texts he's sent, he seems to be loving it. then next week dad leaves for new mexico, and afterwards mom leaves for missouri.

a week from thursday natalie comes home from poland. but since she's decided to take a teaching job there, she'll only be here for a month until she goes back. i'm still trying to adjust to the fact that she'll be living all the way across the globe, but she seems so happy. i guess she's dating this guy.....mache? machek? majek? i'm totally not sure on the spelling. guess i can figure that out sometime when she's home.

i just started working at bath and body works here in town. i was pretty excited about it, since i refused to go back to jcpenneys and jobs are hard to come by right now. my manager seems pretty cool though, i really think i'm going to like it there.

trent's living up in harrod right now. he has a job with farmers commission there, but i guess they just told him they'll only be able to keep him for a few more weeks, so he's busy trying to apply at other places. weekends are our favorites, since that's when he's home and we get to see each other.

other than all that though..haha.....things are the same. just living life, and loving it as i go.

you know..a lot of people gave me crap about coming back home, moving back with my parents and taking classes close to st. marys. i heard a lot about how i was throwing things away and getting myself stuck in ruts by coming back. but as i sit here, i think about how i'm getting closer to my dad, how i get to spend more time with my mom, how i'm getting to be there for my brother and his last year of high school. and how i get to be with trent. i guess a lot of people don't realize how crazy we are about each other...

anyhow. that's my update. funny how sweet hoem alabama made me think about this blog. i guess maybe it reminded me of myself, and how home sweet home is the best place for me. and how i love to write :)

Note Before Sleeping

i am now 19
as of one week ago
and into my
second
week of classes
already wishing it was the
last
becuz i miss warmness
and want
summer
a lot.

but being here
close to everything
that is
important
to me -
it's nice.

it'll be better
once it's the
weekend.

Spring Break !!!!!!!! Finally..

sooooooooooooooooo i am homeeeee !!

the last week of classes flew by, and with the help of trent coming to visit (he's such a sweet guy) my weekend flew by too. finals *i hope* went well, and I MOVED HOME.

and i scheduled my classes for next quarter at osu, so i'm ready to be a buckeye :)

i can't even put into words how great it is to know that i'm here at my house with my stuff and my family and i don't have to leave until i want to.

...it's spring. things are turning green. and i get to see my baby :)

i'm happy.

Sitting, Waiting..

welllll it's the last week of classes :)

tomorrow is my last day of journalism and dance class. we're doing our project presentation on the zulu tribe - and i'm hoping to God that it goes half-way decent.

and i finished my research paper, so i'll turn that in tomorrow too. but other than that, i don't have much to do until....hmm. well, until i feel like studying latin for my exam on monday.

aaand considering i already got an A in my geology class, i'm not taking the exam !!! one less thing to do i guess.

all i have to do is get through the weekend without being bored, anxious, impatient, or cleaning up megan's puke and i'll be good. hah.

oh but i'm so excited about next wednesday. packing all this shit up and moving back where i wanna be. WHY CAN'T IT COME FASTER??????