Go Figure

today is my birthday.

i'm at a party.

and i'm kinda thinkin.....why the hell am i on the computer when there's a party?

hmmm...guess i'm weird like that.

cuz see, even though i have a bunch of my friends here, celebrating and such, i still can find something to be sad about.

that's just me i suppose...

Woot Woot..

Tomorrow GNG sings at the student vs. faculty game.
Hopefully Brandon will win Mr. MHS.
Then Saturday morning I get my dress altered. And I get dance pictures.
Then I go to GNG practice at 4:00.
The Buckeyes play at 6:00.
Our show choir invitational starts at 7:00.
Then we're gonna party like it's 1999.
It's gonna be my birthday.
I'll be seventeen.
And then next week I'll be on a Canadian safari.

I'm pumped.

Sooo yeah...I'm stressed.

I hate how one minute you feel like life is flying right by you, and then next you're wishing the hands on the clock could move just a little bit faster.

There's like, 8 weeks of school left. And I'll be a senior. And all the people that I love and adore and hold dear to me that are ALREADY seniors will be gone....it's depressing.

This next week we'll already be voting in officers for SADD next year...already. It won't even be the end of March, and we'll be planning things for next year. That's just scary, and intimidating.

Saturday night is our show choir invitational. We should do pretty good - I hope - and yet it's funny to sit back and think about this time last year, when we were preparing for Show Choir Invite of '06. It feels like yesterday..no joke.

Then, on the 4th of April, we're leaving for a Canadian safari to Toronto for NHS. Which, of course, I'm pumped about. Leaving the country for a few days always sounds nice, though..lol.

"Dance season" is in full swing as of last weekend with our first competition, and we have another one coming up here soon about halfway through April. Our dances are kick-butt this year and everyone's so excited about all of them.

And speaking of dances, Prom is on the 28th of April. I got my dress about a month ago (ish) actually, and as of last night, I'll be going with John (Brandon) as my date. Which I'm happy about......we'll look good together, and I know we'll have tons of fun. And my dress is gorgeous...so I'm pretty much excited.

I seem to be as busy as ever with everything going on in my life all at once. College searches, standardized tests, and club meetings with a bit of singing, dancing, and working thrown in pretty much can describe my everyday life. You'd think I'd fall over from all the stress.

I guess I'm just a miracle in the making....haha.

Me and the Trees

it is dusk.
the trees in the orchard look anxious
waiting for something that may or may not come.
the branches bow up and down in the cool breeze
the breeze that will bring change

the dim sun stretches its arms out, brushing over
all it can reach, all it can see
leaving streaks of gold
and burnt orange where it spread its
fiery fingertips.

i can't help but sense a feeling
of foreboding
perhaps nature itself knows more than i
about what is to come.
my chest yearns
pulling at my heart like tiny threads
plucking at me, wanting more than i already have.
why can i not be like the sun
that takes what it can
when it wants
and gathers it up in its glowing possession.

why not i?
why must i lie waiting
much like the dead trees in the orchard
for a little light
for a little touch from the world -
an allowance to go on.

what if the world simply passes me by
forgets about me
and nods off into sleep
leaving me to find my way in the dark
groping for that hand to scoop me up
and warm me.

all questions unanswered and nothing laid to rest
i wonder how those trees feel
patient
quiet
i guess they do know more than me
they're not asking any questions.

the hand skips over
the dim sun sets
the orange turns to purple and blue
and everything becomes quieter still
except for me
and my loud thoughts
my obnoxious questions
that always go unanswered.

Another hate blog

I hate how it seems all of the sudden, things are falling apart. In all aspects of my life, thank you.

I hate how I prolly coulda helped some of it from NOT happening.

I hate how some people know they're hurting me, and they do it anyway.

I hate how I hate things so much that I feel compelled to write a hate blog about it.

I hate how I'm not good enough, or funny enough, or sexy enough for people. Or at least, the people I wanna be good enough for.

But in all reality, I hate myself. I hate myself for the what if's that run through my head everyday, I hate myself for opening door number 2 when I knew the prize was prolly behind door number 1, and I hate myself because I know that I can't go back, and make things the way they should be.