A little Advice Straight From Me to You

Due to my recent reading of one of my lovelys' blogs, it has come to my attention that I'm not the only one who reads into the whole "self-confidence when confronting the opposite sex" issue. It can, in certain instances I would be willing to bet, run your life in ways that can be overwhelming, and I feel an outstanding urge to write about it.

So......boys boys boys. Hm.....so much fun and yet..no, they're just fun!! But while they're always fun and keeping you on your toes, I think everyone has at one point or another felt lack of confidence and inferiority when around them. We just want to be accepted, it's as simple as pie-it just takes the first few uncomfortable situations to deal with it and get over it.

Take me for instance. Before John, I was prolly one of the shyest people ever to walk the earth...at least with guys I liked. I mean, yeah, there was a little pressure to fit in and not screw up, but I got along with guys as regular friends and so I felt comfortable in that sense. John and his deciding to like me was a totally differnt thing. I mean, I always felt I had to be a certain way, like I almost had to pretend and messing up in front of him was not even an option. The whole relationship had me apologizing and redoing things, and it pretty much (now that I think about it) sucked. And believe me, I was never the initiator. He definitely had to kiss me first if anything was gonna happen...if he didn't, we'd still be where we were, sitting there holding hands, both thinking about a kiss, but neither really having the guts or timing for it.

Then it was Peter. Well, there wasn't much room for hesistation on my part, he never really had to be the initiator....if he wanted to hold my hand, he'd grab it..if he wanted to kiss me, all he had to do was pull me in..he wasn't nervous or hesitant..........therefore neither was I. Basically, he did everything.

Now.....(sigh..hehe) I have Andy. Oh boy. I love the boy to death, he's prolly the best thing that's happened to me...but he would not, I repeat WOULD NOT take any sort of "first steps"...I mean, it's like he knew what he was doing, he just needed that little push to get him going. I gave him his first kiss....literally. I kissed him...and even though he definitely kissed me back, I had to get him headed in the right direction. And when you think about it, it's a good thing, cuz he won't try to get fresh with me or anything......if he would try I'd prolly die from a heartattack anyway....it'd be so surprising....so yeah.

Getting right down to it, it IS hard to get into the habit of it being natural. And it can be frustrating. Believe me, I know there have been times that I've kicked myself over my stupid little mistakes and errors and times that I "could've-should've-would've" and needless to say didn't. But think, this is trial and error, and in order to be better, you've got to get worse.....you've got to actually fall before you rise.

And as a shout out to you my lovely......just go for it. Kiss him. From what I've been told, guys dig the bold girls, the ones not afraid to take a risk. And ya know....I waited like 3 weeks into our relationship (me and Andy) before I kissed him....and it's not like I didn't want to. I was just afraid of the actual challenge, the surge of adrenaline.......the fact I'd have to do it. And I only wish I had done it sooner. ;D

Love you all, and I hope this has proven an inspirational and intriguing story. Maybe it'll help in future predicaments!!! Kisses!!!

La-dee-da...

hmmm.....haven't been here in a while, have I?

Hum, let's see....school sucks, marching band is over (although we're goin to a Skull Session for Ohio State next weekend...PSYCHED!) Dance is cool this year, GNG is great..the play is.........well.......................coming along, although not nicely. It's sad, really...oh, and then there's Andy.

(smiles and blushes furiously..)

There aren't really any words to describe how blissfully happy I am about our little relationship....today makes 2 months!!!!!!! I love him so much..

Well, anyways, I'd prolly better go make up something stupid for my speech I'm giving tomorrow....I hate that class...hope you kids enjoyed the updates!

Re-counting of Homecoming

Homecoming!! Wow! It was definitely the best dance (out of my rather few three) that I've experienced.

Ok, well, it basically started when I went to get my hair done at like 1:30 in the afternoon........it looked so pretty! Then of course I went to get Andy's flower and such. I got home, then, and immediately sat down to start on my makeup (I was rather anxious about the dance...I couldn't wait......don't make fun of me..) Once I was all beautified and make-uped, I had my mom make me toast with butter and brown sugar, then hot chocolate.

**Obviously it was THE DAY to be Sarah....pampered out the wazoo!!**

Then my mommy dearest did my nails....and after that I kinda sat around for a couple hours. I started watching the movie My Best Friend's Wedding (Which by the way, makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT...I highly reccommend it) at about 5:00 I got dressed and made my final touches on my face before leaving to go to Andy's house for dinner.

The trip over to his house was amusing in itself: I had never been to his house...like, my mom and I had dropped him off once, but it had been dark then, so here we are, driving by in broad daylight, and we kinda had to guess which house was his...well, out first choice was correct, although believe me, I had completely expected us to be wrong. So we went up and he came--in all of his glory, looking so perfect in his shirt and tie I picked out--and opened the door for us. Then came the first round of pictures. (oh yes...FIRST round...there were several as you will soon see)

Let me say now-even though we didn't actually match up my dress to any shirt, we did pretty good!! It totally looked like we had specially picked out his shirt, because it blended so well!! Ok, so my mom and his took all these pictures of me and Andy...first me pretending to put his flower on him (yeah, someone else had to, I was terrified I was going to stab him, the picture has my hand in there, but it definitely wasn't me)...then after fawning and giggling my mom decided to leave.

We then proceeded to wait for an hour til everyone got there. (Andy had invited like 10 other people besides me there, and we had 2 different photo sessions BEFORE the entire party was there.....once they all arrived, we took pictures in like 3 different poses inside, then some insane person suggested going outside in the friggin cold weather...and we were dumb enough to agree....funny enough this isn't the end of pictures for the evening.) After the photo fiasco, we somehow herded the "crowd" into the dining area and ***finally*** sat down to eat.

IT WAS GOOD....OMG....REALLY REALLY GOOD FOOD, AND AFTER WAITING FOR A BLOODY HOUR, I PRETTY MUCH THOUGHT ABOUT EATING THE PLATE ITSELF....

Ok...enough of the food.............at about 8:15 we started to leave. At about 8:30 we actually left. (Go ahead roll your eyes....we just can't make up our minds I guess)

After 3 failed attempts at parallel parking, the student driver of my vehicle gave up, and we made it into the dance in one piece.

So we went in....and it was completely crowded already. Right away there were bright flashes of cameras as people wanted me in them.....I don't think I actually saw things properly the whole night due to those blinding lights....

Anyways, after the first few awkward songs, I got the nerve to really start dancing with Andy.

Now, this was--I knew-- going to be different, because Andy had never gone to a dance with a girlfriend type, and I wasn't sure if he had really truly slow-danced with someone, let alone grinded......but he totally opened up and surprised me. He actually came to me first, taking my hand and dancing with me like it was the most normal, natural and easy thing to do. All I can say is, with each dance the more I could feel myself being drawn to him. We were so close, and during one of the slower songs he started singing to me.

(That last statement may not have had the same impact on you as it really honestly did for me. See, Andy wouldn't sing for me. He had claimed before that he had "a bad singing voice" and he just "didn't want to embarrass himself". I had been trying to get him to sing for me, and the closest I got was for him to hum the Oscar Meyer theme song.....so when he started singing into my ear right then I almost could've cried because it meant so much and it was so sweet. It was just........perfect.)

He even kissed me a couple times during the dance, which could only make me feel better about the entire night.

After all the glitz and glammor of the dance itself, our "crew" retired to Abby's house, where we pretty much sat around, watching television, and getting all hyped up on caffeine. Good times....

Following all that, at around 1:00, Andy took me home, where I stayed up for another hour before finally going to bed.



Well, that's about it. I hope you all enjoyed my detailed analysis of that fine evening!!

(hand cramp, hand cramp....)

Tremendous faith

sitting in the shadowed light, she bent over her stained parchment. scrawling furiously, the etching of the ink pen was the only thing to be heard above her stunted breathing and the patter of raindrops on the window pane.

outside the trees swayed with heaviness, threatening to fall not in a moment's notice. their thrashing leaves and branches flew about, side to side, flinging torrents of water against the house. unnerved, she wrote on. the storm seemed to be the only thing driving her to write, the only thing able of her sudden inspiration. with each lash of wind and each splash of rain her excitement increased, her hands flying across the paper as if not able to write quick enough.

finally, with a gasp, she shoved herself away, back from the flimsy table. running her ink-smudged hands through her damp, sweaty hair, she took up her manuscript, thumbing through it. then with a rush of speed, she threw open the windows, leaning out into nature's fury.

her anxious face tilted itself to the sky, and as the solitary drops fell onto her face, running off in little streams, she smiled.

suddenly instead of storm clouds and gray skies there was sunlight, flooding the earth. everything instantly was cast on with a golden ray. fairies flitted tree to tree, and jungle tigers slinked through the tall grass. a prince upon his white stallion pranced in an open field, and butter-yellow buttercups transformed into birds, winging about in innocent circles. laughing children and the scent of lavendar filled her senses as her own laugh echoed out.

the power of her imagination brought life to a dull world. she believed, and it was....

The Anxiety is building..

Ok...so homecoming is tonight!! I can't talk much right now, I have a hair appointment in a few.....but I'll have to give all the details tomorrow!!

EEKKK!! I'm so excited.........