Parades and Red Lobster

Ahhh....Memorial Day..I have a good feeling about it..even though I had to wake up early for the parade. Marching in it seemed like forever..and then i couldn't sit down once we got to the cemetery-there weren't enough chairs.

Anyhow..last night was fun though...I guess. See, graduation was yesterday, and since Natalie was a senior this year, we went out to eat at Red Lobster afterward. The food was really good (I hadn't eaten there in a really really long time) and we had a funny waiter. He wouldn't stop flirting with me though..it kinda bothered me, cuz I could tell he was quite a few years older......oh well. The quality of the food made up for it. =D

And tonight I think my whole family is having a barbeque (if you noticed my blog earlier on barbeques..I'm happy!) I'm so busy....soon summer gym..then my job..then band and the fair for 4-H........AHHHHHHH! My summer is gonna fly right by me without any sort of warning..I can feel it.

Escaping You

a single tear holds to my face
and makes its slow journey downward
as i ponder why you do this.
my pain is just your joy,
for all i do is amuse-
and yet annoy.
my existance has no real meaning
in your cold, hard eyes,
mocking me,
pushing me back to the ground
after several attempts to rise.
perhaps, to you, i am useless
and serve you no good.
you could be right.
but when you make me feel so low
i can't breathe, and slink away into dark
far from light,
i can not fight
that urge to die,
to end it all.
it's because of you
i've made this fall.
my mind is in a torrent
when will this madness
horror stop?
never,
nothing echoes inside my head,
along with those hurtful
words you said.
now, down on my hands and knees,
i'm past the begging of mercy
forgiveness,
for what have i done?
now
lost,
crawling to my unknown destination,
maybe i can leave you behind
as i make one last move-
growing wings to fly...

A second Option

to be pushed to the ground
and unwilling to stand.
to be given hope and laughter
only to be taken away.
to love with faith
and vivacious life
just to be torn to pieces.
to hold opportunity an inch away
then have it stolen.
to see peace and tranquilty
turn to violence and war.
to think things would be ok
when really, nothing is at all.
if it is to be human-
i'd rather not live.

News!!

I just felt like telling everyone.....I'm a sophomore now..........=D
















Oh yeah...and Peter won his match yesterday....they'll be playing their championship match tomorrow....yay for him...

Barbeques, Dr. Pepper, and fresh-cut grass..

Have you ever sat down and thought about how beautiful things are? I mean, honestly.....today I had time to sit and think about life..how things have been falling into (and out of) place lately, and how lucky I am to be experiencing it all. It is now summertime, which is laced with so many activities and moments just waiting to be had.

Barbeques...now who doesn't love those? Getting a chance to let loose, chill out, and eat good food is always something that people around the world can relate to. So careless and free...it's such a wonderful thing that I am thrilled to get back to now that the weather has ripened.

Dr. Pepper......I'm not quite sure why I'm writing about it....it's not really summery-ish...but I like Dr. Pepper, and it makes me feel happy. Period.

Fresh-cut grass.....ahhh, just imagining it gives me tingles. I simply adore the scent that hangs about after you mow the lawn, and how good it feels to walk through it with your bare feet, especially in the early evening, when it's nice and cool, scrunching beneath your feet, and then springing back up once you lift up your foot. =D

Summer makes me feel so content...I don't know.......I'm just in such a good mood today...well, and Peter talked to me today. Not that that never happens...he talks to me everyday...lol....but see, he left to go to Cincy this afternoon for his soccer match tomorrow...and since I can't be with him tonight, or tomorrow night, I've been bumming. But the emails he sends...the phone calls he makes...hehe....today at noon (before I left to eat at my grandparents' house) he called, and we talked for about 20 minutes...and we said goodbye, yadda yadda, seeing as I thought it was the last time I'd hear from him til sunday. But just now as I logged onto my computer, I checked my mail, and apparently, he sent me this lil note right before he left..............."I just wanted to say bye..I hope you have a nice weekend...I'll be thinking of you a lot...bye."

Ahhh...it makes me so happy.....

By the way..for those of you that read this that know me.......please don't think that I'm obsessed with Peter or anything....I know I write about him a lot...but understand, too, that we're trying to keep this under wraps..and I can't exactly go talking randomly about him to passing people. He does nice things for me...he cares...and when he does that, I can't simply say nothing........no one can know how hard that is for me....I feel like I'm living such a lie right now...this is my only outlet......

I apologize for any rolling of eyes...it's just...it's summer...I'm happy....and I can't tell very many people.....

I think I might go take a walk in the grass....

Last days!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Well, today was the last REAL day of school....of my freshman year of course.

See, school isn't OUT until wednesday...but considering that tomorrow and wednesday are both exam days, and I won't be there for the WHOLE day...it doesn't count. =P

I just don't know what I'm gonna do w/o all my senior buddies....(wipes a tear...) It's just so hard.....and I know that there'll be new freshman coming up to hang with...but they can't replace the friends from this year.

Anywho....this past weekend I went to see Star Wars Episode III...and omg.....IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD! I FLIPPIN LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!! Well....it was sad...but it was still really really good.

And Peter's still hanging around...writing me songs and poems....etc....=D

Idk...all I can say is.....this summer is gonna be interesting..and the next school year even more so....

So lucky....too lucky..

I am not worthy of him.....I've come to that conclusion. What have I done to deserve him?

He is sooo kind....he calls me all the time...sometimes for no reason. Like, he'll call me when he's in the video store, asking for advice on what movie to rent...or in the supermarket, deciding what flavor of koolaid to buy...he might be on his way to a doctor's appointment, or on his way back from soccer...he might be with his family, but he just wanted to make sure I had a good day. Then again, he'll call when he needs to...like when he knows I'm down about something, depressed over my own problems...maybe he'll write me a song, and sing it to me, play me something on his guitar...or just talk...it doesn't matter. He is always there.....

And he writes me emails daily...seeing as how we don't have any classes together except for band...you would think that might hinder things...but no, he goes out of his way to see me, and I just don't understand why. What have I ever done to get a guy like him...I ask myself that so many times...

I'm so lucky....almost too lucky......I'm so afraid that I'm gonna do something that'll screw everything up, ruin this and then he'll leave. I don't know.....maybe not....it's just weird....I know I've said this before....he's different than John...I don't know, it's confusing, and I can guess that anyone who reads this might not understand....but he is.

He's taking me to see Star Wars on friday.....I can't wait til then....

(By the way, 8 more days!!!)

**of school that is...

Tomorrow.

Ok, so tomorrow is the band banquet. I'm so excited cuz I get to be all dressed up....hehe.

I'm wearing this black dress. The top is like a tank top sort of thing, and it's like cotton.

Then, on the sides, it's gathered, and is fitted tight untill my lower waist area (ya know, where everyone wears their jeans area) Then it hangs to my knees, and is made so that when I flip around it swirls out. I love it.

And I'm wearing these big earrings and black heels too.......I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhh....saturday.

Finally...a saturday. How long I've awaited thee....lol.

Well, my week was ok.....I got to talk to Peter a lot, which is always nice. =D

We actually went to the movies last night in Celina. It was me, Peter, and 3 other people..and we went to see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. OMG...THAT WAS SO FLIPPIN HILARIOUS. I think I might've cried cuz I was laughing so hard. I had such a good time. AND we saw previews for Star Wars III...and I'm so excited, Peter and I sat there on the edges of our seats (yes, he's a Star Wars fan too....I'm soo happy.) Maybe we'll go see it together...who knows.

I'm so happy with how our "relationship" is going. I mean, he hasn't come out to say that we're b/f and g/f...but we are, really we are, no one can deny it. And there's almost something there with him that was never there with John...it's weird. Like, we share something that John and I didn't...I don't know what it is, it's so hard to explain. But it's sooo good...it feels so right with Peter. So awesomely right...

Ahhhhh....I love saturdays.....

Just to say

I felt like saying hi......so um......

hi.....