What's so Wrong?

Okay, so there's a ton of tornado warnings floating around and me being the cynical, sarcastic, good-humored, fun-loving and joker I am, I start walking around the house shouting, "We're all gonna die!!!"

I mean...come on......that's no reason for my mom to be mad at me. My dad laughed, he understood my light-hearted humor. HE knows I'm kidding.

But then I made the point that we really are gonna die....everyone is dying. Seriously. From the day you're born...you're dying.

I'll say it's not the most optimistic way of thinking, but it's not pessimistic like my mom says either. I'm just being a realist.

Anywho...I love thunderstorms.

Hah!

Yes...yes I did.

Did I Fix it?

Okay so I think I figured out this whole time clock thinger.

Hopefully this works now.

Oh Jeez

Okay, so I'm worried about this computer........I actually think this problem has been ongoing, like, after I published that last one like 5 minutes ago, it gave the COMPLETELY wrong time....like I thought it might...

Maybe it's declaring mutiny on me..I wouldn't be surprised.....this computer is entirely stupid with a mind of it's own...I'm hoping this problem will fix itself.

A Quick Hello

HHmmmmm....what a lucious day. Busy, excitement filled, and now I have to go to work...=(

Oh well it pays....you know though, I realized as I was sitting here looking at my blog that the time clock is waaaaay off...like, I'm writing this blog and right now it says it's 4:18 in the afternoon....so who knows what it'll say once I publish it.

Anywho, I just wanted to blog with the little free time I have left with my evening. Woo-hoo for working in retail.

BORED

Wow....I'm kind of bored tonight. I have no homework (well, I did, but it was easy and now I'm done.) and I have an itch to pick up the phone and call Andy....but he said he actually had homework to do, besides all the easy junk I had, and I don't know if he's busy tonight or not.....

Maybe I'll just try and call in a little while.....yeah...

Back to the Books

Well school started yesterday. How loverly. Kind of.

Because even though it IS school, ya know, with homework and all that bull crap that no one really needs, I don't think the classes are gonna be all that bad. And I get to see Andy a bunch, we have PreCalc together everyday, the same lunch, and we share 7th per. study hall sometimes. And then of course we can still talk in the morning. Because of the frequency of him in my everyday, I'm sooo happy.

And I went to his cross country meet yesterday, which was interesting, since I not only was going there to watch him, but I was taking pictures for my school's newspaper. Ha. Me. Taking pictures. Someone actually trusted me with a new-fangled expensive and rather breakable digital camera. =)

Once I figured out how to work it I was okay, I was just terrified I was gonna drop it or something the entire time. But my teacher told me I got real good pictures, and Andy did well, I got to be around him some more, so the entire experience was good.

And then I saw him a lot today..

I just can't stop smiling.....=) =) =) =) =)

On the Street Where You Live, From My Fair Lady

I have often walked down this street before
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I Several stories high.
Knowing I'm on the street where you live.
Are there lilac trees in the heart of town
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town
Does enchantment pour
Out of every door
No, it's just on the street where you live
And oh! The towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near.
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear
People stop and stare. They don't bother me.
For there's no where else on earth that I would rather be.
Let the time go by, I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live.

A Selection from Why by Annie Lennox

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears...
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel ?
'cause I don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
You don't know what I feel

A Timely Plea

11:10

the clock shines at me, boring through the darkness of my moonlit room. clutching my pillow tight to my chest, i breathe in sharply. this is it. a magical moment that only happens twice day. silly though i know it is, i sit up anxiously in bed, staring with determined eyes over at my alarm clock. with bated breath, i blink, and look at the time once more, anticipating the inevitable.

11:11

closing my eyes, i curl into a tight ball, praying and wishing, hoping with all my might.
"oh please God" i plead "you know what i ask of you....for strength, for courage, for your helping hand in the endeavours i now face. i know what i want, and what i must do, but i know it will be hard. something in my heart tells me i'm right, tells me this is what i need. help me."

opening my eyes, i sigh, sinking back into my bed and staring at the ceiling, seemingly searching for answers i know aren't there.

the clock has changed.

11:12

Bad Idea

Sitting here tonite, I have nothing to do but sit around and feel depressed, so I thought, well, I'm just gonna look over some of my old blogs.....bad idea.

I ended up re-reading all of the blogs in which I had mentioned Andy. (Which was a lot...I've been reading for awhile..) And right now I feel so horrible and alone....I wish I could just....I don't know...

I love him....I know he wants his space right now and I have to respect that....but damn it, talk about buying a ticket on the emotional roller-coaster ride....*sigh* I just need to wait....if time is what he wants, I'll give it...not easily, but I'll give it.

I hate crying.......

This May not Make Sense to Anyone but Me, But hey, Oh well..

Have you ever known someone who completed you? Who seemed to be your other half, who really made you feel at home? When I'm with Andy, I know who I am. I know what I want. Things become clear.

Everything seems so surreal today. Inside there are dark tempests and storms clouds threatening to burst. That feeling when your dog dies, or your best friend moves away. That feeling of being put in a room full of strangers and not knowing anyone around, feeling lost.

Lost. That's the word.

Outside the sun is shining, a light summery breeze is wisping through the trees, and all is gorgeous. There's a feeling in the air, a scent of promise, a smirk of a secret that I'm not yet allowed to know.

The honest feeling I have is undescribable...as much as I've thought in the past 24 hours, there are no real words to describe in truth what my heart, my soul, my being if feeling.

But I'm sure of one thing. And that is what I'm going to do. How it will be accepted, if it will be accepted, I don't know. But I know what I need, what I want. I know deep down what to do.

Maybe that's what is so surreal about today. I feel so unsure and upset, and yet so confident in what has to be done.

And a song keeps playing over and over in my head....Transatlanticism..by Death Cab for Cutie..

"I need you so much closer..........so come on..."