Happy Day

I heart happy days.

I don't know why I was so happy today.

Or maybe I know the exact reason I was so happy, but I don't wanna put his name on here because I know he'll read it anyway....;D

He makes me smile..a lot. And giggle.

Today was just a good, happy day....

Too Bad it's Already Sunday..

Soooooo....this weekend has been fun.

Friday night was cold, wet, rainy, windy, and I was half-surprised we actually won our football game. I mean, we were SUPPOSED to blow the other team out of the water...by the end of the 3rd quarter though, I was wondering if we'd manage even scoring. But it's ok, we won.

Saturday I had to get up really early for the ACT. Which wasn't too great. I'm not a big fan of tests, as I'm sure holds true for most normal people, but 4 hours?! It was crazy and I pretty much felt like celebrating after it was done.

I spent the afternoon with Scottey, talking. He's not with Katy anymore....and he wants to try things between us again. And, of course, it makes me happy. A few people have asked me if I'm doing the right thing by trusting him again, considering how upset I was last time, and you know, yeah, it did suck very much when he told me he wanted Katy over me. And I was very upset. But I think things are going to work out...really. It might take a little time for people (aka my mom) to forgive and forget, but I feel like I can trust him, or at least try to trust him, again. He's sweet, and I really do like him a lot....if I didn't then I wouldn't even want to pursue this further.

Anyway, I went out to Lloyd's house Saturday night after work. And excersized my lips....;D
Then today he came over and made scrambled eggs for me..and we watched tv..and ate lunch, then he took me to work. And that feeling I had about a week and a half ago is coming back.....and I feel really happy.

I Like the Dark

I suck at life...officially.

Evidentally, I'm not good enough for any boy in general. Ha. I was naive to think otherwise.

And I realized I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Like, I can't be a writer. Because I suck at it. I think I might actually drop out of school, become a hippie/gypsy person, loving peace and flowers, all to find my purpose. I think that sounds great. No one else believes me. They just don't understand.

So yeah....forget me being happy. Maybe I'll be unhappy for so long that I'll forget what it's like to be happy, therefore I will start to think that being unhappy is in itself, happiness. (Did that make sense to anyone? It did to me..)

Have I done it again?

What did I do?
Did I put my trust in something that wasn't there?
I don't think so....

Have I led myself to believe in myths
Thinking in truths, yet receiving lies?
I hope not....

Have I set myself up for a greater fall,
For another chance to hurt,
Have I done it again?
It depends.........

It's really weird how we both have been in the exact situation
How I know exactly what he's going through and how hard it really is.
I wish I knew what to say to make everything right...
I wish I could see him right now...

Selfdoubt

Coming home today, I was thinking a lot about Scottey.....and like, I guess that isn't surprising, because I think about him a lot anyhow, but especially after school today. I have to wonder if I'll ever get to be annoying. I don't think I've ever worried about this with a guy....never this much anyway......but like, what if I DO get annoying? What if he suddenly gets tired of me, or what if the stuff I do now he thinks is cute suddenly becomes...not cute? It might be a really dumb thing to worry over. I mean, everyone always says, high school relationships aren't a big deal, you shouldn't stress over them, and honestly, we haven't even been going out for a week.

But there's something about him I can't put my finger on....he's so different, so completely different, and yet maybe that's why I'm so attracted to him. And I want things to be totally perfect. He always seems to know exactly what to say, and when to say it...in the perfect way. All he has to do is smile at me in the hallway and I'm giddy the rest of the day. How awesome is that? At the same time, though, like I said, I feel so....unworthy? I think that's the word I'm looking for.

Maybe I'm overreacting. But seriously....I don't wanna mess ANYTHING up...anything at all. *sigh*......why does he have to be so perfect? ;)....I kinda wish I could see him right now..=D

Confessions of a Lover's Mind

To grasp perfection in the palm of my hand..
How glorious the moment when two hearts connect
Leaving the beings breathless, begging for more than
What they already hold to be true.
When hands touch and sparks fly,
And you find yourself tumbling blindly into
The endless pools of limpid delight
In their eyes.
Oh, to behold the bliss of a smile
To capture a glance
To steal a kiss from that perfection true!
Such is beyond words and emotions
As you sip in the sweetness of their breath,
Glorifying in each moment you have to share
With them,
Yearning for them to come
Just a little closer.....

One of those days...

I must say...yesterday was quite possibly one of the best days of my life.

I got my liscense. And that was great. I was soooooo excited to drive around all by my lonesome.

And I was out on my own a lot. Well, not really. I was with someone. A very special someone. Who I care about. And he cares about me. And we're going out.

His name is Scottey (yeah, I'm sick of making up names - the only people that really read this know me anyways) and he's.....well, perfect. Gorgeous, smart, funny, sweet, I mean, what else is there? It's crazy, he always seems to know just what to say....he likes my family, told me he's looking forward to meeting the whole crazy bunch, and makes me feel like I'm the queen of the world. He calls me all the time, whether to tell me he wants to hang out, or just wondering how I'm doing, and if my day is well. And like I said, it's weird, like a little 7th grade crush, only the guy likes me back, and it makes it 100xs better.

Ha...just thinking about him now, I've got all these little butterflies in my stomach. *sigh*

So yes...yesterday was pretty amazing. And I have a really good feeling about Scottey...a really really good feeling. =)

WOO-HOO

I just wanted to let everyone know...



I GOT MY LISENCE TODAY!!!

AND GO BUCKS!!

Happy Thoughts

Hmmm....la dee da. This past week has been, well....quite exciting.

Isn't it amazing when someone can walk into your life, and make you so incredibly blissfully happy? It doesn't matter if you haven't done your homework, you just fought with your parents, you're tired and getting sickl; this one person, just by saying hi, makes you feel tingly inside, makes you smile, makes you happy. They have a way with words that floors you, and the feeling you have takes you back to 7th grade and little girl crushes.

Last week was kinda stressful for me. Lots of homework I didn't do. Lots of people I was pissing off. Lots of stuff that had to be done. Lots of stress. But.....everything was somehow worth it. He made things better, made me laugh, and I can't remember being so giggly, or outgoing, or just plain happy.

And just thinking about him makes me smile..

My Imperfections on the Art of Communication

Sometimes I don't know what to say. Sometimes I know exactly what to say and I lack the courage. Sometimes I simply have too much, but instead of keeping it to a minimum, I spill all, mostly more than I intended, hurting the ones I love. I guess that's my problem, or one of my many. Perhaps I haven't gotten the hold on this whole "life" thing we do. The communicating part I mean. The part where you talk to someone who means a lot and you say something you don't exactly mean, or something that came out the wrong way. You can't go back and change that. You can't take that back. You can wait for them to forgive, or move past it, and hope that next time you won't be such an ass. Any and all of these situations I hate.

But you know what I hate the most? Knowing the exact words, the exact tone, and saying them with such forcefulness and never knowing what kind of impact they left. Not knowing I guess. Maybe that's it.

What I hate is when then, after saying those words, I in turn hate myself for ever uttering them, and proceed to mentally kick myself in the head. What are they thinking? What's gonna happen next? When will I find self-actualization? How can I ever know if what I'm doing is actually right?

I hate hurting people. Unfortunately, that's seems to be my specialty....

....no wonder no one wants to be close to me