This is

ridiculous.
how am i supposed to get over him and move on
when all he does is make comments like
"we were the hottest couple at homecoming"
"our pictures look amazing"
"besides my sister, i'm gonna miss u the most next year"
"we're just too sexy"
"i was watching u during the concert, you did really good"
"your party is this weekend right? i have to work the haunted school, but i think i'll leave early so i can be there"

ArAKGIshlrfi!
thing is, even though i wish he would just make up his mind, i like it too much when he smiles at me.

Holiday

this weekend quite possibly has saved me from any completely and utterly depressing slumps that i might've gotten lost in. not that i am slump-void now for however long a time period. depressive rants are actually frequent visitors in my life. BUT...coming back to my refreshing weekend. it was v. v. impressively nice. of course, friday night was cold, accompanied by very long bus rides to and from skankville, but we won, and in some ways it was very fun. saturday of course, i went to OU, where i not only know i'm going to college, but it just makes me feel so perfectly at home. then coming back to real home, i rounded out my evening by going to a party full of friends with old faces not seen in weeks, and i spent the evening - party, haunted school, and after - with matt. and i didn't realize how much i dearly loved him and missed him until last night. but it was so nice that we could just go around town visiting ppl here and there and still catch up with each other. and beyond filling him in on details and vice versa, he reminded me how he still cares about me, and knows i'm a good, worthwhile person, and expressed his extreme frustration with another person who seems to not see me as such and honestly i don't know why. today then i worked, but went for a walk outside with my mom to my grandparents' house to then continue to stroll through their woods out back. it was SUCH a beautiful day and being outside for 2.5 hours was amazing. and God only knows the wonders it does to have a heart to heart with my mother. add in a little cappuccino, chemistry homework that took 10 minutes and i totally understood it, and a perfect heart-warming, spirit-lifting movie about love and learning to become the leading lady in my life as a movie instead of acting the best friend role - today gave me strength. this weekend gave me strength. it was kind of like a holiday. which by the way, i simply can not wait for. thanksgiving. and christmas. i can't help but smile at the mention of them. oh, i just feel so resolved. and ready to go...anywhere. i feel great..finally.

The Past few weeks

i hate it when you think everything is amazing and perfect and you're just rolling along on your pretty little sidewalk, and all of the sudden you trip on a crack.

and all the books and papers and whatever else you were holding just spill all over the place.
into that person's yard...the street....and then of course that's when some muddy old truck runs over everything and you're screwed.

i didn't get josh. and i won't have josh. becuz according to josh, he never liked me anyways.

now.....i can't take that to be true. not after all that's happened..all that he's said. no.

i will however accept the fact that sydney is an obsessive.....yeah. and she kinda ruined things for me. but then again...he's not with her either. or so he says.

i would write about homecoming. i was so pumped. but it sucked. so i won't.

i will however comment on the fact that i spent all day at OU and after officially deciding that i'm gonna go there, i'm so excited. it was the second time i had visited, and i just fell more in love with it. walking the campus, just strolling through all the red brick buildings, smelling the golden brown leaves that swirled with a breeze at my feet, i felt at home. and it was great. seriously.

lately all i wanna do is just pick up and move down there. start my life. do what i really wanna do instead of waiting around here filling up the space. i now know exactly how all of last year's seniors felt...and i miss them more than ever.

i wanna move on to better things rather than sitting here, knowing i'll just leave my friends soon, taking mind-blowing classes, and watching that someone i've crushed on for so long just pass me by...

I'm not afraid

to break hearts.
just as long as it's not my own.
i'm sick of it.
seriously.

this is my senior year. i'm going with mr. mcgorgeous. she's not gonna ruin anything.

betch.
she can say what she wants.
pretty soon she'll be crying about it.

i wanted to be nice.
hmph.
sorry i wasted my time with that.
hello?
i'm sarah
"i get what i want"
scott.
this is gonna be a great weekend.