It's Hot

inside and out.
actually, it's really windy outside so it makes it kinda cooler but you don't really get wind inside of a house unless my dad feels like arguing about one thing or another.

why is it that i don't feel like i belong here? school let's out, finally, i mean, it's what i've waited for. all i've said was how i wanted to get out of this place, get out of school, and now i'm done and i feel out of place. this time any other year i'm getting ready for marching band, not sitting at home wishing i was somewhere else. i feel like i don't belong here and that i need to move on.

which i do. college is leaning and glancing my way, but i find myself dodging its persistant looks. i get so scared and nervous and upset that i have to leave my room and my parents and my cat and my lover, but i get so sick of being here too, and i guess i'm just royally confused and frustrated about a lot of things.

band is done. and so is dance. 2 things i've become addicted to over the many years of involvement and now i'm left without them. why do things have to change? i don't want them to but i also know it's my turn to move on.

this in-between shit sucks.