Move In Day...Again

i'm moving in tomorrow.
into scott quad that is.
with meg into a double.
and trent and rob are coming down, spending the night.
then my parents will be here sunday.
should be fun :)

Prison Shank in the Making

sooooo i'm sitting here in line for a room change.
and i've been here since 5:30. uh yeah.
practically 3 hours on my ass. on a hard floor.
and these bitch-ass people pretty much cut in line. and i'm pissed about it.

becuz i need this room change. i might rip my hair out.
and if we don't get a triple or respectable doubles in the same dorm.....imma cut a bitch.
with a shank.

more details later..

I Pray

for strength. i pray for wisdom. i pray that moving out, leaving this room, and going to another one is right.

i pray that the girls won't hate me for doing this. i have to do this, for me. i pray that the place i end up, wherever it may be, is better than here.

i pray that i'm happier for this decision. i pray that i can feel more comfortable, more at home in this strange new world of athens. i pray that things will maybe get just a little easier.

i pray that i stay on top of my studies. i pray that my classes don't get the best of me. i pray that i encounter the courage to stand up for my beliefs and the integrity to stick to them. i pray that i have the patience to get things done, the endurance to finish.

i pray i find inside myself a calmness, one that soothes and relaxes. i need to relax. i pray that i will learn how to breathe again.

i pray that through all this, all the tense conversations and tearful goodbyes, that i can make it through these months without such heavy homesickness. i pray that my mom, my dad, my brother and my trent, my gramma and poppy, my entire family will stay by me through this tough transition.

i kind of know they will. i guess i pray that i am reminded that they are there. that i'm not alone.

oh god. i pray not to be alone.

My Decision

i went home on friday. and it was nice.
we left athens around 11.....got home around 1:30 ish.
then i, after dreaming about it for days, took a shower WITHOUT FLIFLOPS. which was v. v. nice by the way. then i went over to trent's and we ate out at legends with meg and rob, and then went to the game.
and i was so happy :) just to be home of course and not worry about stuff, but it wasso nice to talk to people that i haven't seen in, what felt like, a lifetime. just laughing and joking and being with everyone was soooo great. and the team won which was cool too ha.
then trent and i went back to his house and made a lil mini bonfire for ourselves..i ate about 8 burnt marshmallows (just the way i like them) and we just cuddled.
then saturday i watched the game (go Bucks) and went to look at puppies - soooooo cute. i can't wait until he gets that little fuzzball. then we just hung out..watched movies that night. ps i love you. we both cried.
then sunday trent tagged along to church and we ate out and then i came home, packed up, and left again.

oh yeah, and yesterday i decided that i'm moving out of my dorm room and i'm gonna live with megan.........yeeeaaaaah.

i was super stressed yesterday. well, i have been for awhile. let's see if this will help..i'm pretty sure it will. i just need to do this for me.

My Pocket Pal

i listen to your words
and trip over my own to say
that i wanna make you mine
have you each and every day
and then you smile
and i freeze
how is it
you stand there with ease
while my nerves go crazy-
my stomach turning in
lazy circles
searching to say
that i want you.
i wish i could
tear you down
and take you apart
and then keep you in
my pocket
then get a key
to lock it shut.
how splendid that would be
to keep you
that close to me
for every second
of every moment
with your smile
and your hands
and your words
and your kiss.
then i can put you
back together
piece fitting piece
and we can be happy
together
in moments
where i stumble to form
the words
again
to say
i need you.

So on Friday

trent came to see me this weekend.
seriously.
and i was soooo happy.
it was just an all around great weekend -
except for the fact that the bucks got killed last night
and then trent left today.
ugh.
i really really love him.

Trent

is coming down right now and i'm so excited :)

Well Damn

i wanted to write something really sweet for trent
-seeing as he wrote something reeeeally sweet for me-
but with the beatles playing in the background,
my roommates making me laugh so hard i cry,
and my mind going in all directions,
i couldn't do anything
except for look at his picture
and wish i was with him.

All My Loving, The Beatles

close your eyes and i'll kiss you
tomorrow i'll miss you
remember i'll always be true
and then while i'm away
i'll write home every day
and i'll send all my loving to you

i'll pretend i am kissing
the lips i am missing
and hope that my dreams will come true
and then while i'm away
i'll write home every day
and i'll send all my loving to you

all my loving i'll send to you
all my loving, darling, i'll be true

close your eyes and i'll kiss you
tomorrow i'll miss you
remember i'll always be true
and then while i'm away
i'll write home every day
and i'll send all my loving to you

all my loving i'll send to you
all my loving darling i'll be true
all my loving all my loving ooh
all my loving i'll send to you

First Weekend

i am sooo loving OU. it's weird cuz like a week ago i was so scared to be alone and off away from everyone......but now i'm here. and i'm getting to know my roommates, all three of them.

and the more i'm here, i realize that a quad is actually a semi-decent idea. the girls are all really nice and we're bonding really well.

erin and i went into town together today, and to the student organizational fair to sign up for clubs and other various things. we're having an "across the universe" watching party right now haha.

so it's awesome. i'm missing trent and my mommy like crazy but honestly, this whole, living at OU thing is amazing. there was this moment today when i was on college green when i realized how much i love it here. like, BOOM - and i felt independence immediately. and yesterday, i called my dorm "home". :)

i am looking forward to going home to see trent tho...not gonna lie ha

Coffee

yeah i'm drinking it. and i still think it'll take me forever to get used to.

My Living Arrangement

are interesting. ask me about them sometime........................uh yeah.

The Day After Tomorrow

at times i think "yeah....this is gonna be great. school will be different, i'll meet tons of new people, and i'll get some independence. sweet."

but mostly i think "oh fuck."

god i'm gonna miss it here. at home. with my mom doing my laundry and making me food and stuff. that stuff is NICE. that stuff is also overlooked until you realize you have to do it on your own. and the whole "knowing practically no one" thing. yeah. that might bother me. i hope i'm on my game for *making friends fast* or else i'll sit around depressed and feel like a loser.

and what about trent and not being able to see him whenever i want??? hmm??

fuckk. i'm gonna miss him. he's my other half :(

Great Timing

sometimes i get so frustrated.
like when someone says they'll do something, insists severals times, and then ditches.
and, it just so happens, it's the last night i'll be able to see that person.

how convenient..
seeing as they mean the world to me -
and yet i wonder about my importance.