Totally and Completely Dying

(crying as writing this)

I love him sooo much....that's why I had to let him go. He's so busy and confused with life, and I can't help him right now. He was so upset, I actually had to do it. I had to say it was over...at least for now. Oh.....I love him. I love him..I don't know how I'm going to face him today. I couldn't sleep last night...maybe 20 minutes. All I can say is that I was crying, and then I woke up crying. And the clock said it was sometime around 4:oo a.m. when I did both. I just feel so empty and lost and helpless. I want him to hold me...hold me tight and tell me everything is going to be ok. Everything. But, I don't think he can.

He said that maybe, we can get back together. Oh I hope so. I hope he feels the same way right this very instant. I miss him, and I just saw him last night. I missed him as he walked away from me. And when he went out the door, I realized it might be the last time he ever does that. He might not want to come back, come back and be with me. I miss him.......I miss his eyes, the way they looked at me. I miss his smile, because he always made me smile. I miss his touch, because it was like the touch of life. And I'll see those eyes, and that smile, and if I'm lucky, his touch, but they won't be directed to me. He says that if he can't make it, he'll come back as quick as anything. But I don't know. I don't know if he will. All I know is that I will wait for him. I love him....just him. And I will wait for him as long as it takes.

They say if you love someone, you let them go. I did, and now all I feel is pain. Maybe he'll come back. But....I just don't know.

Oh God...I love him and it hurts....but now he's free..............................