Doot do doo

i went to BGSU for the annual honors band reading clinic thinger this past weekend. it was kinda cool, cuz i was so worried over auditions and ended up beating half the people there. i even had a sort of kind of solo!! not really...it doesn't realllly count as one but i'm gonna say it did. :)

while i was gone, trent was in indiana, helping out on one of his friend's farms. we were both gone at the same time, which kinda worked out, and it was great cuz i kept getting texts and phone calls from him, saying he missed me.

i've got sooooo many tests coming up...gosh, i shouldn't even be on the computer, taking away from study time with my chemistry book, but what the hey. i am kinda behind though from being gone on thursday and friday, but i'll get over it.

it's weird, i get so agitated and frustrated and pissy at school, thanks to all the great people there. (ha kidding. i hate half of them. then again they hate me too so at least it's a mutual lack of affection.) i can be having the worst day, though, and then go to see trent after school, before HE goes to school, and i get this bubbly happy feeling where all i wanna do is blare the radio and sing at the top of my lungs. he's good for me, really. keeps me sane when i feel like pulling my hair out (or someone else's). i wish he could know all the good he does me.

i'm going on saturday to columbus, hopefully to find a sweetheart's dress. since i have a sweetheart lol. i'm excited. it should be fun. especially since trent is always saying how he's looking forward to "getting his groove on without being afraid to embarrass himself". should be something worthwhile. i may just turn my head and pretend to know him but........hahaha.

hmmm...la dee da. so yeah. i seriously hate school. but i'm loving the moments i get with him. :)

I Love It

sometimes the way
you cock your head
to squint at me through
smiling eyes
makes me melt.
how you take my hand
and treat it like it's
glass.
lifting it, then
staring as you stroke it
like it might break under
the slight pressure of your fingers.
when you slip your arm
around my waist you're
so particular
like you might hurt me
if you're too rough-
almost as if i'm a
porcelin doll
being taken off the shelf.
i catch you looking in my direction-
you say you're not staring...just
gazing.
i've never felt such a
lady
yet cowgirl
never so beautiful
and confident
i'm so happy.
and it's thanks to you

Goin to a Rodeo

again. trent asked me so i figured why not.
it's actually kinda fun. lol.
before long, he'll have be riding those bulls.
ha.
just kidding.
i'd never do that hahaha

Thank you Emerson Drive

I never knew there were such great movies
On TV 3AM
I'd never guess that a midnight Tuesday
I could have pizza ordered in
I've never been a real night owl
But these days I'm all turned 'round
There's only one thing I'm sure of right now

I should be sleeping 'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
Even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy, still I know
I should be sleeping 'stead of dreaming about you

I never knew that I was funny
'Till I went and made you laugh
Never liked a girl to call me "hunny"
but you did and I liked that
I keep thinking about your smile
Trying to read between the lines
Looks like I'll be up for awhile

I should be sleeping 'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
Even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy, still I know
I should be sleeping 'stead of dreaming about you

After just three dates
One great kiss
It's way too soon to be obsessing like this

I should be sleeping 'stead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
I've been pacing and retracing
Every step of every move
Even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy, still I know
I should be sleeping 'stead of dreaming about you
Dreaming about you, I should be sleeping,
Dreaming about you

I Guess We Are

official.
me and trent. want some explanation mia? lol. some cute stories?? ok.

well, trent's been messaging me online for about 3 weeks now. just saying we should hang out, things like that. then i gave him my number and we started texting a bunch. this past weekend, he came to the basketball game after i told him i was in the pep band. he made some comment about how he didn't understand anything about the sport, but when i asked him why he came, he got embarrassed. one can only assume. ha.

we hung out at mcdonalds, i watched him and logan have a couple rounds of bowling, and then he invited me back to his house. i met his dog rex, who's huge. i've never seen any dog thaat big ever ha. his dad was hilarious, his mom was sweet, and they both seemed really happy to meet me. then we just sat there watching tv for a little bit. snuggling. he walked me out to my car and told me he'd call me the next day.

after my 6 hour band practice, he asks me to go to the mac with him.
(the mac is actually called the Mack Arena and is this place outside of celina that is, well, for rodeo purposes like bullriding. )
i went with a few of the boys and let me say....i've never experienced anything like that. ever. ha. but it was really fun!! trent was the ultimate gentleman, wouldn't let me pay for anything, not even when i argued haha. then later we were all just standing around...he stood behind me and had his arms around me. it was absolutely adorable. he kissed me on the cheek when i left. :)

then yesterday he started texting me after church. after awhile he asked when he was gonna meet my parents. i said whenever, and in an hour he was over here. he sat here talking with my mom for the longest time, and i've never brought anyone home who has gotten along so well with my brother. then we sat. watching tv. cuddling. holding hands. he kissed me goodnight. and i was thrilled.

i get home today and he sends me a text saying "i'm gonna come over before i go to school tonight. i got a question for ya"

he pulled into the driveway. asked if i would go out with him. and after i said yes, he smiled, and left.

let me repeat. he asked. and i said yes. :D

Confused and Puzzled

i think that God laughs at us a lot. like, he throws something unpredictable and random at us and when we struggle and scramble to figure out what to do next, he just laughs. either becuz we look ridiculous or he knows what's gonna happen in the end.

to get to the point, guy A asked me to sweethearts. and i said yes becuz i have no one else that i would go with. but guy B has come along, asking me out on dates and stuff and i'm stuck. confused. puzzled. becuz they're both so random.

ugh.
and i don't know what to do.

I Have No

friends. just people that talk shit about me.
ok so i lied. i have a couple people.
amanda. brandon...on good days. zac h. jarrod. maria when i get to see her. (i love you babes)
but mostly i feel alone.
severely
and clinically depressed.

like tonight. tonight was not good. pretty much sucked. but anyways...
i hung out with zac, parent and mcB soooo it turned out ok.
and there's this random ass guy who's texting me. i'm pretty much telling him my life story. don't ask me why. he wanted to know i guess. but it's nice to vent.

speaking of venting, brandon and i got into a fight last night. it was his last night before leaving and going back to purdue, and instead of spending time with his best friend, he decided to go over to minster to *probably* get blown by some whore. i got mad because you know......i don't have very many people. and i miss him, so having him home is really nice. i told him how i felt, how he tells me i'm one of the most important people in his life, and then makes me feel anything but important. so we yelled. and cried. and laughed a little because i can't really stay mad at him. in the end though, i was still upset, and i left, while he went to minster to visit the slobbering slut-face. i texted him a bunch, wanted to talk some more, but he didn't answer me all night, or today.

but about 20 mins ago, he called. i, in my confused state, said
**so why are you calling me?
~~(long pause)......excuse me?
**you haven't called me once while you've been at college just to talk
~~well maybe i want to now. ok.

weird. i think he felt bad. maybe he didn't. but i'm gonna go with the guilty conscience idea.

anywho..........i'm getting tired. it's late. and i gotta work tomorrow. shit. *sigh*
to anyone who still reads this insanity blog - have a good life. hope it's better than mine.

Lately I feel

lonely.
sarah vs. the world.
alone with everyone around me happy and excited about everything.
i feel quiet reserved
and drawn into myself
not because i choose to be
but because i have no other choice.