My In-Between Moment

sitting here, i realize that i'm kinda tired.
i mean heck, i just got back from church reunion - which was nice by the way, i met a ton of amazing people - and now i'm leaving to go across the country for 2 weeks.
not to mention that i spent my entire time here running out with trent, trying to squeeze in as much time with him as possible before i go become ms. traveler again. not that that's bad. spending a lot of time with trent i mean. because, know you, i DO like him. lol.

you know, it was the smallest thing, but the other day i was at his house and his grandparents stopped by. and when his grandpa said hi, he called me "sari". not that big of a deal, just that my poppy calls me "sari" too so it made me smile.

when i was at work today i was thinking a lot about trent. the other night i kinda had another melt-down...and i hate how i get in those moods. i can be fine one minute, but the next i'm dwelling over the future and how everything is so unpredictable, and i just get scared and frustrated and upset all in one. and then, worst of all, i take it out on trent. like, what did he ever do to me right?? he has been the most amazing guy EVER. i might as well call him mr. prefect. but i get in these moods around him, and even though in my mind i'm depressed and worrying about how he won't be able to hold me when i'm 3 hours away, my body pushes him away, becomes unsocial, and pretty much a bitch.

josh was at trent's house when i got into this "mood". and then later online he was asking me what me and trent were fighting about. i wanted to punch myself.

i just wish i could somehow prevent these moods i get in. because i'm no fun when i'm like that. and i don't like it. and to be honest, something twinged inside when josh thought we had been fighting. because, to tell the truth, i don't think we've fought about anything. and for others to think we were?? that bothers me.

ugh but for now i'll stop. i have to pack still, and i have to do it tonight i think since we're leaving around 9:30ish. or so the Papa says. who knows with him.