The hole is still there.

Well, here I am. Sunday afternoon. At home. And he's gone.

Wounds heal with time, but only with the light of hope and a ray of faith.

This is something I've been thinking about these past few days. I mean, honestly, I don't want to get over him. I still am entertaining the thought of him coming back to me. And for all anyone knows, he might. But, obviously, he's not going to return to someone who cries, mopes, and dwells every living moment. I don't think ANY guy would go to THAT.

I still haven't been sleeping well, but I've worked it up to at least 5 hours a night, so I think that's good progress. And I'm still not eating my normal amount yet. (When I get depressed, I just don't eat. I ate one meal Friday, and one meal yesterday, and so far, one and a half today. I'm doing better.) I just have to keep a smile on my face, a twinkle in my eye, and an extra bounce in my step to pull it all off.

It has been hard this weekend, I'll admit to anyone. I mean, it's my birthday weekend. For his brithday, it was a 3-day weekend, so I spent 2 of those days with him. Now, all I want to do is run to his house (which is a little more than a small jog..) and throw my arms around him. Or pick up the phone and dial those so frequently punched numbers, and ask his name for the umpt-teenth time. I've tried really hard not to. And I only really dwell and shed tears at night while I'm staring at my ceiling, thinking of him when I know he isn't of me. There is an unusual void in my everyday life right now. Everything seems so off, my days seem so imcomplete, and my inner being always feels as if it's reaching for that one thing...one thing that was there for so long, and then gone.

It's my brother's birthday today. (I know, our B-days are so close together, it's weird.) And I'll be at a party tonight for him...a party very similiar to the one just nights ago. But, I'm pretty sure I won't be leaving it in tears, and I am almost positive my heart won't break into fourths. (It can't break in half, it did last Thursday night, and so now it's in 2 pieces.) Ahh well.

School is tomorrow, but I think I'm ready.

Oh yeah......the hole is still there. I feel it, empty, seeping past memories and good times. But I still love him. I won't just give up. That would be too easy for what I've already been through.