Losing control

i knew
that i liked him
a lot
and i knew that
maybe it
wasn't mutual.
i knew
that i had
to move on and
get a grip on reality.
i know that
i think of him
and i
wish that picture in
my mind could
be painted.
but i know
that it won't.
i know that
perhaps i should
forget
and live again
but something
stops me and
i hate it.
it creates
a knot in my
chest so when
i swallow it tightens
and i think
of him
again.
i need to leave
for college..