What I want and what I don't.

Boy A.
He's not-so-perfect for me. And I don't wanna want him.....but I do. I mean, there'll always be potential - I think - even though we said there wasn't, and even though I know we can't be together, we shouldn't be together, and we quite possibly won't ever, I do want him.

Boy Q.
(Why didn't I call him Boy B? Becuz....these 2 men are soooooooo different, there's no way in hell they would be so close as to be letters A and B. Q seems to be the optimal route to go.) He's.........in sooo many ways..well, more perfect for me than A. In fact, I've had plenty of people tell me that's we're perfect together. But becuz of history and past dealings, I don't wanna want him. But...well, I do. Potential? Ha...well, I must say I passed up chances, but as for if he would want me back? I just don't know. But despite my uncertainty and want for not wanting him, I want him.

So what to do? It's not like I can sit back and say "well, I want him more than the other, so I'll focus on JUST him" becuz, well, in all reality, I know that I shouldn't want either one. I CAN'T. I don't wanna set myself up for heartbreak (which seems to be inevitable) but I can't help myself either.

Point of the matter is
no matter how much I would want one over the other, neither is going to happen.

I'm so confused.
I hate not knowing what to do.
Becuz even if I have the right answer staring me in the face, I tend to overlook it.
Ask Boy Q.
He knows this trait to be a fact.

Maybe he knows me better than me.
Maybe I'm afraid to know me
Becuz I know that knowing me would show what I really want
Which is
of course
What I think I don't want...

Argggg........I hate this.